The Funniest Thing I Ever Heard My Father Say
I was around twenty
and he helped me find a used car
for going back and forth to the university.
It was a 1983 Chevrolet Celebrity sedan
high mileage
but not in bad shape
and a bargain at $500
because the owner had to sell it fast.
After a few weeks the steering went
leaving a puddle of pink fluid on the street
and requiring the replacement of the rack and pinion.
Dad did the work.
He always fixed the cars.
It was not an easy operation
as the steering had to go in an awkward place
up under the engine.
Dad,
self-taught in the art of automotive repair
during generations when cars were built
with easy and accessible structures
began ranting against the more complicated models
stemming
he believed
from American companies imitating more complex Japanese design trends.
I stood by the tool bench
passing him an occasional wrench.
He got more and more frustrated
trying to fit the steering assembly into its niche
and eventually exploded:
"Lee Iacocca
When I die and go to Hell
I'm going to find you
and kick you square in the balls!"
I didn't hang around too much longer.
He had all the wrenches he needed.
I reminded him of what he had said once
years later.
He didn't remember
and was surprised.
Several years sober by this time
he speculated about how many rum and cokes
he might have had that night.
The car ran well for several more years
until I took $500 dollars for it
when I had to sell it fast.
