Clothes
Every year or so I decide it's time
to get in the best shape of my life.
I return to the gym and pound weights
until my schedule changes or I catch a cold
and lose momentum and give up for a while.
But dammit, this time I wasn't going to quit!
I worked out with dumbbells at home every single day
and hit the gym three or four times a week
and my arms and shoulders and chest grew and grew.
My shirts didn't quite fit anymore--
the armpits were too tight.
Yeah, baby! I was going to get so freaking huge
I would need all new clothes! Muscle clothes!
Then my elbow started to hurt.
It always made a grinding noise
because of a high school bicycle accident
but this was serious pain.
Doctor's diagnosis: lateral epicondylitis,
commonly known as tennis elbow,
which I'd gradually given myself over ten years
of trying to be Champion Dad,
pushing my kids halfway to the moon on the swings.
Idiot.
Now I'm going for walks,
waiting for my elbow to eventually stop hurting
so I can lift again.
And all of my shirts fit loose.
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